Title: “Will You Still Text And Drive When We Have Kids?”
Abstract: I see you, what you’re doing there. Just a quick one. Just a quick text. The light turns green and you’re searching for the peace sign emoji. We’re on the highway and your football thread is exploding. It’s Fantasy Draft Day. We’re just trying to get home. Once, you tried to watch a basketball game while driving home from work. I made you pull the car over and let me drive. I know I should not read into this about how much you value my life. But sometimes I do.
Concerns: It’s not as funny as I think it is / Puts us on too much of a binary / I’ve done it too / I’m not trying to pick a fight / This makes you sound more reckless than you are / And when you start having blog posts that mention offspring in the title, too many folks start pondering the contents of my uterus.
Title: “NyQuil Sex”
Abstract: A parody song, written to the tune of “Birthday Sex” about that thing. That thing when you feel a cold coming on, but you’re still trying to get it before the NyQuil kicks in.
Concerns: Everything else has been redacted, just in case one of us decides to run for office. Just in case more strangers start reading this blog and sharing it with other strangers and then we have to cover our faces when we go out in public lest strangers see us at Target buying more NyQuil and look into our eyes, knowingly.
Title: “Ways In Which My Marriage Is Like The TV Show LOST”
Abstract: 1. Two players. Two sides. One is light. One is dark. 2. Jack does a thing. Jack does another thing. We are rooting for him. 3. Currently inhospitable to children. 4. It is impossible to figure out how it ends.
Concerns: Requires exhaustive rewatching of all seven seasons to do the world justice. Something for the summer, perhaps?
Title: “Babe! Is This Too Christian?”
Abstract: How much Jesus is too much Jesus? How much scripture is too much scripture? How much communion is too much communion? How many prayers are too many prayers? How many baptisms are too many baptisms? How many Words from the Lord are too many Words from the Lord?
Love is patient, love is kind. Jack is patient, Jack is kind. Annie is patient, Annie is kind. French fries are patient, french fries are kind. Netflix is patient, Netflix is kind. Gluten is patient, gluten in kind. Kanye West is patient, Kanye West is kind.
Concerns: But what if everything we know is wrong?
Abstract: If I killed a person, would you divorce me? What if it was an accident? What if it was not? What if it was your mom?
Concerns: I can’t believe I even breathed that into the air. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
Title: “But Are You Gaslighting Me Though?”
Abstract: I can tell when you’re lying to other people now, I know you that well. And sometimes I wonder, seeing the frequency in which you tell these lies, and the ease at which you are believed, just to get out of small things like staying for too long in a place you don’t want to be in, whether or not you are lying about things to me too.
Concerns: Once you know a person so well, the mind starts to wander, and you think you see things that are not there.
Title: “Unnecessary Secrets”
Abstract: A list of all the things I’ve yet to tell you. These are the really boring ones. The ones that don’t even matter. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know,” you say, and I say something like: “Once I had a pet rabbit that got maggots.” Or, “Once I played Satan in a church play.” Or, “Once I was in love with a cartoon lion.”
Concerns: We are scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Title: “Marriage: A Game of ‘Would You Rather’ Where Everyone Loses”
Abstract: Would you rather stay married to someone you hate, or be ostracized by your community for divorcing them? Would you rather unwillingly give birth to a child, or have your spouse permanently resent you for not having children? Would you rather hurt your spouse’s feelings by expressing something you despise about them, or live with it for the rest of your life? Would you rather be married to someone in a coma while remaining faithful, or divorce someone while they’re unconscious? Would you rather have in-laws who loved you so much it was suffocating and intrusive and ugly, or in-laws that disliked you so much that they didn’t want anything to do with you? Would you rather confess to your spouse that you’ve been cheating, or have your spouse confess to you that they’ve been cheating? Would you rather be in an unhappy marriage, but incredibly wealthy, or in an incredibly healthy marriage, but in crippling poverty?
Concerns: This isn’t even fun.
Title: “I’m Almost Ready to Pee In Front Of You”
Abstract: IT WAS LIKE OUR SECOND DATE WHEN I WAS OVER AT YOUR APARTMENT AND YOU PEED WITH THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN AND I ALMOST DIDN’T GO ON A THIRD DATE WITH YOU FOR THAT REASON. AND NOW, ALL THESE YEARS LATER, WE ARE MARRIED AND EVERY NIGHT I LEAVE THE DOOR SLIGHTLY MORE AJAR AND ONE DAY SOON--VERY SOON--I WON’T CLOSE IT AT ALL AND IS THIS MARRIAGE?
Concerns: Just kidding I’m absolutely writing this one.
*Thanks for reading! Want more? Sign up for our newsletter for new content, fun giveaways, and ways to connect with followers of The Millennial Marriage Movement. Scroll to the bottom of the page to join!*
Annie & Jack
Love. Marriage. Teamwork. Art. Offsetting the patriarchal footprint. These are some of the things we're thinking about.