Yeah yeah yeah...every marriage blog and their mom wants to recommend 5 fun date ideas to you. But no one ever wants to talk about how expensive they are! Also, most of those date ideas are kinda stupid, so we came up with our own list.
With Annie taking some time off of work to take on a graduate program, we’ve had to get really creative about the kind of dates we go on. Date nights will always be a priority in our marriage, even though our wallets right now can’t really support the more conventional date ideas most of the time. That’s ok...we’ve found a few ideas that really work for us:
1. Monday Movies in Nature
2. Tuesday Tasty Video Nights
3. Wednesday Walk Abouts
4. Thursday Thurstay!
5. Fake Identity Friday
(On Saturdays and Sundays, just sleep in and go to brunch!)
I really hope that you didn’t think this week’s blog would about how I don’t like sex anymore. I mean, do you even know me?? In the words of my late, great friend, Jim Smith, “[Sex] is THE MAD NOTES!”
He’s right for the most part. For me, sex has been such a weird recurring theme (for good and bad reasons). When I was young, I couldn’t wait to get married because I was so obsessed with sex. Growing up in my shared room with two other brothers who had similarly raging libidos, we kept swimsuit model photos on the walls, watched Cinemax when we weren’t supposed to, and made sex talk our dirty little secret.
At the same time, I also grew up in a very religious household where sex wasn’t really talked about except for, “It’s for marriage.” Youth group was all about “purity rings” and how being “a real man” meant respecting/preserving a woman’s purity (as a feminist, a little bit of me just died inside writing that).
In short, sex became very taboo--and therefore insanely desirable. This led to a variety of issues moving forward. Pornography, weird encounters during college, and worst of all: guilt. Serious, serious guilt that I still struggle with to this day. Sex is an amazing thing, but the guilt kinda ruins it for me.
But then I met a woman. A beautiful woman (both inside and out). She helped me to become a better person, we set really healthy boundaries for physical intimacy, and sex seemed like less of a stronghold in my life. We got married after a few years of dating and the first thing I thought was, “Ah snap! Jack gets to have all of this awesome, guilt free, married sex for the rest of his life! STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE’RE HERE!”
Title: “Will You Still Text And Drive When We Have Kids?”
Abstract: I see you, what you’re doing there. Just a quick one. Just a quick text. The light turns green and you’re searching for the peace sign emoji. We’re on the highway and your football thread is exploding. It’s Fantasy Draft Day. We’re just trying to get home. Once, you tried to watch a basketball game while driving home from work. I made you pull the car over and let me drive. I know I should not read into this about how much you value my life. But sometimes I do.
Concerns: It’s not as funny as I think it is / Puts us on too much of a binary / I’ve done it too / I’m not trying to pick a fight / This makes you sound more reckless than you are / And when you start having blog posts that mention offspring in the title, too many folks start pondering the contents of my uterus.
Before Annie and I got married, I had a dream about us moving in together. In the dream, she arrived at our apartment with a few bags and a rolling suitcase. I, on the other hand, showed up with an entire moving truck of stuff. And as she opened up the back of the moving truck, she gave me a disconcerted look and said, “I don’t know if I can live with all of this.” I still think about this dream to this day.
I entered into my relationship and marriage with a lot of baggage. The more I process my feelings, the more baggage I find. It often feels infinite. Anxiety, depression, vices, anger, past relationship woes, you name it. I never used to talk about it with my significant others, mostly because I never thought I could. How could they be with me if they really knew everything about me? It seemed so much easier to live a partitioned life.
Annie & Jack
Love. Marriage. Teamwork. Art. Offsetting the patriarchal footprint. These are some of the things we're thinking about.